游泳队幽默笑话（转帖）
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; TEXT-ALIGN: left; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=left><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 16pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 华文新魏; mso-hansi-font-family: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">1.</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 16pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 华文新魏; mso-hansi-font-family: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">教练训斥一带掌划手的队员<SPAN lang=EN-US>:</SPAN>你游的是嘛<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>这不是自由泳<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>纯粹王八耍大锤<SPAN lang=EN-US>.<BR>2.</SPAN>出发训练中教练急<SPAN lang=EN-US>:</SPAN>我知道你中午吃的嘛饭<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>炸虾米炒鸡爪<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>抽筋带弯腰<SPAN lang=EN-US>.<BR>3.</SPAN>泳道中<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>一人游偏撞上另一人<SPAN lang=EN-US>:</SPAN>对…对不住<SPAN lang=EN-US>.</SPAN>另一人急<SPAN lang=EN-US>:</SPAN>对<SPAN lang=EN-US>---</SPAN>不住还对这么准<SPAN lang=EN-US>.<BR>4.</SPAN>教练问一吃饼干的队员<SPAN lang=EN-US>:</SPAN>好吃吗<SPAN lang=EN-US>?</SPAN>答<SPAN lang=EN-US>:</SPAN>好吃<SPAN lang=EN-US>.</SPAN>教练急<SPAN lang=EN-US>:</SPAN>你吗真不会说话<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>问你好吃吗<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>你得回答您尝尝<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>再问你一遍<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>好吃吗<SPAN lang=EN-US>.</SPAN>答<SPAN lang=EN-US>:</SPAN>您尝尝<SPAN lang=EN-US>.</SPAN>教练<SPAN lang=EN-US>:</SPAN>哎<SPAN lang=EN-US>..</SPAN>这就对了<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>给我来两块<SPAN lang=EN-US>.<BR>5.</SPAN>课前队员央求教练<SPAN lang=EN-US>:</SPAN>今天玩会吧<SPAN lang=EN-US>.</SPAN>教练很爽快的说<SPAN lang=EN-US>:</SPAN>好<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>听你的<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>来<SPAN lang=EN-US>..</SPAN>下水先玩三千米蝶泳<SPAN lang=EN-US>.<BR>6.</SPAN>教练对新来学生说<SPAN lang=EN-US>;</SPAN>去坐池边看他们训练<SPAN lang=EN-US>.</SPAN>水中两队员在说运动量“你游什么”“<SPAN lang=EN-US>50</SPAN>碟”“你哪”“<SPAN lang=EN-US>50</SPAN>蛙”新学生跑到教练身边说<SPAN lang=EN-US>:</SPAN>他们说脏话<SPAN lang=EN-US>.</SPAN>教练问<SPAN lang=EN-US>:</SPAN>说什么<SPAN lang=EN-US>?</SPAN>学生说<SPAN lang=EN-US>:</SPAN>一个说我是爹<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>一个说我是妈<SPAN lang=EN-US>.<BR>7.</SPAN>家长和教练的对话<SPAN lang=EN-US>.</SPAN>“我孩子能练游泳吗” “能呀<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>会游吗”“套圈会游”“不套圈会吗”“会喝水”<SPAN lang=EN-US><BR>8.</SPAN>初学游泳的学生问教练<SPAN lang=EN-US>:</SPAN>呛水了怎么办<SPAN lang=EN-US>.</SPAN>教练答<SPAN lang=EN-US>:</SPAN>大声咳嗽几下就好了<SPAN lang=EN-US>.</SPAN>又问<SPAN lang=EN-US>:</SPAN>那喝水了怎么办<SPAN lang=EN-US>. </SPAN>教练答<SPAN lang=EN-US>:</SPAN>好办<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>咽下去就行了<SPAN lang=EN-US>.<BR>9.</SPAN>一初学游泳的男孩很委屈的对教练说<SPAN lang=EN-US>:</SPAN>我在池里喝水了<SPAN lang=EN-US>.</SPAN>教练关心的问<SPAN lang=EN-US>:</SPAN>喝几口<SPAN lang=EN-US>. </SPAN>男孩<SPAN lang=EN-US>:</SPAN>两口<SPAN lang=EN-US>.</SPAN>教练轻拍男孩的头说<SPAN lang=EN-US>:</SPAN>孩子别怕<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>这池里的水不要钱<SPAN lang=EN-US>.<BR>10.</SPAN>比赛结束<SPAN lang=EN-US>.</SPAN>队员跟教练说<SPAN lang=EN-US>:</SPAN>我没游好<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>游的太臭了<SPAN lang=EN-US>. </SPAN>教练说<SPAN lang=EN-US>:</SPAN>嗯<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>我闻着味了<SPAN lang=EN-US>.<BR>11.</SPAN>教练在讲蝶泳<SPAN lang=EN-US>: </SPAN>蝶泳空中移臂时<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>就像蝴蝶的翅膀一样漂亮<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>所以叫蝶泳<SPAN lang=EN-US>.</SPAN>一队员插话说<SPAN lang=EN-US>:</SPAN>那我游蝶泳时手出不来水<SPAN lang=EN-US>.</SPAN>教练看了他一眼说<SPAN lang=EN-US>:</SPAN>你练的是狗刨<SPAN lang=EN-US>.<BR>12.</SPAN>一教练对游不好的队员<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>爱用死鱼这词来形容<SPAN lang=EN-US>.</SPAN>如死鱼翻身<SPAN lang=EN-US>, </SPAN>死鱼瞪眼等<SPAN lang=EN-US>.</SPAN>一天在教初学的水中呼吸<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>学生从水中吐气上来不张嘴吸气<SPAN lang=EN-US>.</SPAN>他急<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>边示范边讲<SPAN lang=EN-US>:</SPAN>上来张大嘴吸气<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>像我这样死鱼喘气<SPAN lang=EN-US>.<BR>13.</SPAN>教练给队员进行百米计时<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>队员到边看教练报成绩<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>教练伸出四个手指说<SPAN lang=EN-US>:1</SPAN>分三秒<SPAN lang=EN-US>.</SPAN>“多少<SPAN lang=EN-US>?</SPAN>”队员问<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>教练又伸出三个手指说<SPAN lang=EN-US>:4</SPAN>秒<SPAN lang=EN-US>.</SPAN>队员愣在水中……<SPAN lang=EN-US>(</SPAN>唉<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>心口不一的教练<SPAN lang=EN-US>)<BR>14. </SPAN>教练在教小队员<SPAN lang=EN-US>:</SPAN>游<SPAN lang=EN-US>100</SPAN>自<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>游自由泳时<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>要三下手一口气<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>吸气时腿不停<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>腿打起来<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>吐气要吐净<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>吸气要足<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>头要稳定<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>保持水面上<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>不能把水放在头里<SPAN lang=EN-US>.(</SPAN>说乱了<SPAN lang=EN-US>)<BR>15.</SPAN>一队员不想下水为偷懒找理由说肚子疼，教练拍拍他的肩膀很认真的对他说：下水去练，游泳专治肚子疼。<SPAN lang=EN-US><BR>16.</SPAN>游泳理论课上<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>教练讲完后提问<SPAN lang=EN-US>.</SPAN>一队员支支吾吾<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>教练冲他一竖大拇指说<SPAN lang=EN-US>:</SPAN>真是吃冰棍拉冰棍的榜样<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>没化<SPAN lang=EN-US>(</SPAN>话<SPAN lang=EN-US>).</SPAN>一队员偷乐<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>教练瞪他一眼说<SPAN lang=EN-US>:</SPAN>你甭乐你还不如他呐<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>你吃铁丝拉罩篱<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>胡编<SPAN lang=EN-US>.<BR>17.</SPAN>队员一个个进行水中屏气测试<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>一队员刚开始就起来了<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>教练说<SPAN lang=EN-US>:</SPAN>不行<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>刚八秒太短<SPAN lang=EN-US>.</SPAN>队员委屈的说<SPAN lang=EN-US>:</SPAN>教练不是我不憋<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>我屁股实在憋不住<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>气都从后头出来了<SPAN lang=EN-US>.</SPAN>大伙乐倒<SPAN lang=EN-US>.<BR>18.</SPAN>教练跟一游自由泳的队员说<SPAN lang=EN-US>:</SPAN>身体绷直<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>腰不能扭<SPAN lang=EN-US>.</SPAN>队员答应<SPAN lang=EN-US>:</SPAN>哎<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>知道了<SPAN lang=EN-US>.</SPAN>教练又说<SPAN lang=EN-US>:</SPAN>中午吃的面条<SPAN lang=EN-US>?</SPAN>队员一脸惊讶<SPAN lang=EN-US>:</SPAN>是<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>您怎么知道<SPAN lang=EN-US>.</SPAN>教练一绷脸说<SPAN lang=EN-US>:</SPAN>晚上吃根铁棍<SPAN lang=EN-US>.<BR>19.</SPAN>教练对笨小孩从来不用“笨蛋”“真笨”这些词，只用反问句：你知道狗熊它娘怎么死的吗。<SPAN lang=EN-US><BR>20</SPAN>．教练在教一个初学男孩游泳<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>一小时后男孩说<SPAN lang=EN-US>:</SPAN>教练<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>明天再学吧<SPAN lang=EN-US>.</SPAN>教练说<SPAN lang=EN-US>:</SPAN>哦<SPAN lang=EN-US>?</SPAN>累拉<SPAN lang=EN-US>?</SPAN>行<SPAN lang=EN-US>!</SPAN>明天学<SPAN lang=EN-US>.</SPAN>男孩说<SPAN lang=EN-US>:</SPAN>教练<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>不<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>不是累<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>只是我实在喝<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>喝不动了<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>饱了<SPAN lang=EN-US><BR>21</SPAN>．队员问：今天我有三千蝶？教练答：行，听你的，游三千蝶。<SPAN lang=EN-US><BR>22</SPAN>．上课前队员们缠着教练说：今游少点吧。教练一脸笑意说：好，今天高兴，你们说游多少。队员们这个说游<SPAN lang=EN-US>3000</SPAN>自那个说游<SPAN lang=EN-US>2000</SPAN>自手就下课，这个说游<SPAN lang=EN-US>10 </SPAN>个<SPAN lang=EN-US>100</SPAN>混，那个说游<SPAN lang=EN-US>500</SPAN>任意后就玩。还有的说冲<SPAN lang=EN-US>10</SPAN>个<SPAN lang=EN-US>25</SPAN>就下课……。教练喊到：好了好了，够了够了。然后一个个指着队员说：你们先游他的<SPAN lang=EN-US>3000 </SPAN>自，再游他的<SPAN lang=EN-US>2000</SPAN>自手，再游他的<SPAN lang=EN-US>10</SPAN>个<SPAN lang=EN-US>100</SPAN>混和他的<SPAN lang=EN-US>500</SPAN>任意。最后再冲他的<SPAN lang=EN-US>10</SPAN>个<SPAN lang=EN-US>25</SPAN>就下课了。（最后的结果比平日练的还多）再看教练还是一脸笑意。<SPAN lang=EN-US><BR>23</SPAN>．一队员自由泳到边的滚翻做不过来，教练教他：你到边低头，团身摆腿。别抬腿，跟狗尿尿似的。<SPAN lang=EN-US><BR>24</SPAN>．教练训一动作游不好的队员：你游是嘛动作，你这动作要是放到电视里再配上画外音救命，纯粹一真实的溺水者。别说跟我练的。<SPAN lang=EN-US><BR>25</SPAN>．上课前队员说：教练都春天了，那天带我们去旅游吧。教练说：你这不每天都到此一游吗，还想那游去。<SPAN lang=EN-US><BR>26</SPAN>．一队员想偷懒说胃疼，教练问：怎么能的。队员说：我来时吃了点东西。教练哦了一声说：你这是撑着了，去下水消化消化食，游五千自就好了。<SPAN lang=EN-US><BR>27</SPAN>．一初学男孩套着圈不敢跳水，教练在水里说：来我接着你。男孩说：你不是不是我们家人，我不听你的。教练说：我你大爷。（一拉男孩手）你下来吧。给拽下去了。<SPAN lang=EN-US><BR>28</SPAN>．市中学生游泳比赛，发令裁判是体育教师有点结吧，只听他在喊：运，运，运动员，脱，脱，脱衣服。啊，啊，上道。<SPAN lang=EN-US><BR>29</SPAN>．一初学的队员告诉教练，自己在池里不小心喝水了。教练说：少喝点啊，我这池水也不富裕。又问：好喝吗。答：不好喝。教练：嗯，这我就放心了。<SPAN lang=EN-US><BR>30</SPAN>．一队员跟另一队员吹牛：我会水上飘。正好教练从这过听着了，看了他一眼说：你？你会水底挠。</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 16pt; FONT-FAMILY: 华文新魏; mso-hansi-font-family: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"><?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><br><br>［此帖子已被 山东龙 在 2008-1-17 10:59:32 编辑过］ <FONT size=6><FONT color=#0000ff>‘这不是自由泳,纯粹王八耍大锤.’</FONT>让我眼前浮现出愚公的身影。</FONT><BR> 又笑倒一批.............! 可惜咱不是科班出身，没有这样的体会。 严师出高徒！ 哈哈,快乐运动. <FONT color=#3809f7 size=6>有意思。</FONT> 跟这样的教练真好！ <P><FONT size=3><FONT face=宋体>说：你？你会水底挠。</FONT></FONT></P><P><FONT size=3><FONT face=宋体>学这招也不容易啊。<SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体"><?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></FONT><BR></P> 刷 哈哈,好象是龙王说的. <P align=center><FONT size=5><FONT face=华文新魏>.泳道中<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>一人游偏撞上另一人<SPAN lang=EN-US>:</SPAN>对…对不住<SPAN lang=EN-US>.</SPAN>另一人急<SPAN lang=EN-US>:</SPAN>对<SPAN lang=EN-US>---</SPAN>不住还对这么准<SPAN lang=EN-US>.</SPAN></FONT></FONT></P> 一下
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